Finally Found
by FilAng3l
Summary: When you already have what you're looking for but haven't realized it. GCR (please R&R)


Disclaimer: No I don't own CSI nor the song lyrics I 'borrowed'  
  
Spoiler: none Distribution: inform me Feedback: I really love getting it! Author's Note: The song used is Finally Found sang by Honeyz. This is my first time to write a fic with a song.... please give me a feed back, and if you have something to suggest for me improve on... please, please, please don't hesitate! Well... it didn't really turn out as well as I hope but anyway I still think that this song is one of the best songs for Catherine and Grissom. Especially the 5th stanza!! Summary: When you already have what you're looking for but haven't realized it.  
  
Finally Found  
  
I am not really sure how I got here. All I can remember is that, I went inside a diner I came across too while driving from leaving Lindsey to my sister's house and right there just beside the counter is Tim, there he is kissing another woman, I could not believe it at first but when he looked at my direction our eyes met and I'm positive it's him. I walked nearer to him and slapped him across the face. After that I ran to my car started the engine and just lost myself. I am not sure how I even drove safely with my lack of focus ness or even awareness, but most probably my instincts kicked in. And now I am here standing out side his door. I am not sure what to do and staring at the door when it's starting to rain is definitely not an option, so I decided to ring the doorbell.  
  
Now who could this be? He thought as he closed the book he is reading about the mysteries revealed in the world of insects. As he opened the door...  
  
"Catherine!"  
  
"Hey Gil!" she said trying to smile but it is very obvious with her reddish puffy eyes that she has been crying. Grissom moved back to let her come in. She made herself comfortable to his couch. There is definitely no need for 'may I come in?' and 'please have a sit' kind of lines. They have been friends for years and her showing up in his doorstep without notice isn't new.  
  
"So, would you like to tell me what happened?" asked Gil breaking the silence and cautiously placing a glass of orange juice in front Catherine.  
  
"Don't you have beer? Vodka? Anything alcohol??"  
  
"I haven't been able to buy some, we've already drank all of the ones I have" he said remembering how many times she has dropped by his house in the middle of the night to cry in his shoulders and get drunk. All with the same reason...  
  
Catherine just rolled her eyes.  
  
"So do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"No" Catherine said as she stood up and got the orange juice and stood beside the window, "Why does this always happen to me?" she blurted out.  
  
"Mhm?"  
  
"Why is it that men always cheat on me? Why do they always tend to hurt me?"  
  
"Not all men are like that."  
  
"O yea, and I just happen to be the most unfortunate woman to find all the men who are!"  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"Yes it is! I have been failing relationships since the very first time I had one!"  
  
Catherine walked back and jumped to her sit. Grissom sat beside her and place his arm around her shoulder as she started to cry.  
  
Grissom held her close as she cried.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Ooh ooh ooh  
  
I can't believe you're here with me  
  
And now it seems my world's complete  
  
And I never want this moment to end ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I feel awful to see her crying, to see her in pain it's like my heart is tearing apart but... this is the only reason I could ever have to feel her close to me – for now at least! I know that it is wrong but every time Catherine shows up in my front door, I feel relief and excitement. Relief that she finally got over that stupid guy and excited coz I know that she's going to be mine - - even though I just pretend. Feeling her this close to me just makes me happy, like I never want to let go for holding her close to me makes my world complete.  
  
"I just... I can't see what's wrong with me... Gil what's wrong with me?" Catherine managed to stutter between sobs, making Gil go back to reality.  
  
"Nothing is wrong with you Catherine and you know that!"  
  
"Then why haven't I found it yet?"  
  
It has been months since Catherine showed up in my door with tears in her eyes. She have not mentioned anything to me but I know that she has a new boyfriend. And I'm really happy for her - - hell! Who am I kidding? Yes I love her and that's why I am or should be happy for her but that is the very same reason why I can't! I've been watching her from a new guy to the other, I didn't really paid any attention it is so obvious that those men are just flavors of the month but not this guy... not this new guy.  
  
The doorbell rang which caused Grissom's thoughts to be interrupted.  
  
"Catherine!"  
  
"Hey Gris!"  
  
"Sooo?" he asked as she settled in his couch  
  
"What do you mean... sooo?"  
  
"Well I noticed you have a big grin in your face"  
  
"This past few... okay maybe not few, but this past months I've been showing up to your doorstep crying over a guy."  
  
Grissom nodded not seeing the point to this.  
  
"Well, I just realized. I've been crying over them not because I love them but because I have disappointed myself of not being able to find what I've been looking for."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I close my eyes and still I see  
  
My dreams become reality  
  
And now I know how it feels to be in love ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"And what have you been looking for?"  
  
Catherine smiled. "Just wait here." She went outside and after a split second came back in.  
  
"Gil I want you to meet John Mohegan. John this is Gil Grissom" Catherine introduce Gil to a man about same height as his. He is younger than Grissom but older that Catherine, his smile is great even without that dimple. The muscles in his arms are noticeable, his features are very masculine and manly, he looks like those handsome jocks but that is only physically speaking coz his words appear to be a proof of his intelligence and wittiness.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I prayed so many nights that you would come my way  
  
An angel from above to light my darkest day  
  
I think it's time for you to heed these lines  
  
'Cos there's something I want to say  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Catherine watched as the two started talking. She knows that Grissom is not a very sociable person most specially to her boyfriends but John is different from those other men that she didn't even LOVE – okay that one she just realized lately!  
  
After drinking orange juice from the kitchen Catherine decided to rescue Gil, she noticed that he is starting to be uncomfortable and his being uncomfortable is making John feel awkward.  
  
"So you ready to go?"  
  
"Oh sure, nice meeting you Gil"  
  
"You too"  
  
When John has left the house and Catherine is about to follow him. She stopped for a moment to face him.  
  
"So what do you think?" Catherine asked with hopeful eyes  
  
"What do you mean?" Grissom asked puzzled. 'Have she brought him here to ask me if I am in favor of him?'  
  
"Well, he is different from those other men, I think there is really something"  
  
"I think his a fine man" he tried to smile.  
  
"Hon come on" John called.  
  
"See you later at work okay!" she said as she ran toward her boyfriend's car.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I finally found what I've been looking for  
  
And now you know I'm going to love you more  
  
Hold me tight 'cos it's always been you  
  
(It's always been you)  
  
To think that you were always there (always there)  
  
To be my friend and wipe away my tears  
  
Now it's clear that it's always been you  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was silent in the car; Catherine can't stop thinking on that look on Grissom's eyes.  
  
Is it just me or was there really hurt in his eyes? But why would he be hurt? What could've happened for him to be in pain. He looked happy when he opened the door and saw me, but he looks lonely when I left. Oh, God Catherine you're seeing things!  
  
When time for shift came everything was normal but she still couldn't forget the look she saw in Grissom's eyes earlier. The next shift was just smooth too but the following ones wasn't. Catherine couldn't concentrate, she has lost focus, she is always lost in thought... either she did it on purpose or not. When she does it on purpose she is lost in thought trying to explain to herself about the dreams she's been having for nights now. And when she does it unconsciously she day dreams, well either way, either on purpose or not the thought is still about the same thing, or rather the same person... her boss.... her confidante.... her best friend.... Gil Grissom.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sometimes you don't expect that friends  
  
Can become lovers in the end  
  
Only God knows what the future will bring  
  
So hold me close and don't let go  
  
'Cos this is love boy, don't you know?  
  
And we're gonna be together for eternity  
  
I prayed so many nights that you would come my way  
  
An angel from above to light my darkest day  
  
A love so strong it can't be wrong  
  
It's with you that I belong  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Cath are you okay?" asked Warrick as he entered the break room and found Catherine, AGAIN lost in her thoughts.  
  
"Hello! Catherine!" Warrick waved his hands in front Catherine's face  
  
"Oh hey!" Catherine snapped back to reality.  
  
"What's happening to you?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We are starting to worry"  
  
"We??"  
  
"Yes, we. Me, Nick, Greg and Sara"  
  
"And Grissom??"  
  
"Haven't really seen much of him, he seems to be hiding himself through his shell more that he used too"  
  
Warrick saw the concern and worry that flashed through Catherine's face. "Don't worry, you know him, his probably just busy and if his in any trouble his going to fix it and if he can't we are always here"  
  
Catherine smiled and nodded to agree with him.  
  
"What were you guys worried about?" she asked  
  
"You"  
  
"Me?!"  
  
"Yes you! Something's bothering you and you can't say that it's nothing coz if it's nothing you wouldn't always be lost in your thoughts"  
  
"I think I'm in love with Grissom" she blurted out... she really needs to get it out of her, maybe not to Grissom but at least to some one.  
  
"You think?"  
  
"I'm not sure"  
  
"Why are you not sure?"  
  
"Well, I have been with him for twenty years and I have been accustomed to my feelings for him"  
  
"Accustomed?"  
  
"Yes, accustomed"  
  
"So what's the big question here?"  
  
"Am I or am I not in love with Gil Grissom"  
  
"Okay so when did you had a **THOUGHT** you're in love with him?"  
  
"When I started dreaming and thinking about him more often than I am supposed too."  
  
Warrick tried to think.  
  
"What do you feel when his around?"  
  
"Comfortable"  
  
"Hmmm.... has he ever held you close? You know a hug or something like that?"  
  
"Every time I need to cry"  
  
"So does that happen often??"  
  
"Warrick!" she said in a warning tone  
  
"Just asking!" Warrick raised his hands for his defense  
  
"Anyway. Exactly what do you feel when he holds you close?"  
  
Catherine tried to think and relieve the moments she closed her eyes as she imagined it then opened it again... with dreamy eyes she said..  
  
"I feel relaxed, safe, secure, warm, like I really don't want to let go..." she trailed off then muttered, "loved"  
  
"There goes your answer!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I finally found what I've been looking for (finally found)  
  
And now you know I'm going to love you more  
  
Hold me tight 'cos it's always been you  
  
(It's always been you)  
  
To think that you were always there ( you were always there)  
  
To be my friend and wipe away my tears  
  
Now it's clear that it's always been you (you)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Catherine entered the break room with everyone already inside as Grissom handed them the assignments.  
  
"Cath?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Doesn't it hurt?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your jaw"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Well your smile has been tattooed to your face for 3 days now"  
  
"Nick, is it a crime to smile?"  
  
"But seriously Cath... I haven't seen you without a smile. Not that I want you to be sad but... you get what I mean! It's not even a smile... its a grin a really big grin!"  
  
Warrick chuckled at Sara's comment.  
  
"John must be really something" Nick said.  
  
"John? Isn't it you broke up already?" Sara asked confused. Catherine nodded.  
  
"You broke up?" Grissom asked confused. Catherine bit her lower lip, "Haven't I told you?"  
  
"What did he do?"  
  
"Nothing"  
  
"Then what didn't he do?"  
  
"Well, it's not what he did or didn't do. It's what I realized"  
  
"What did you realize?" Grissom asked already forgetting that there are people in the room besides him and Catherine.  
  
"Ehem!" Sara coughed loudly to remind Grissom of their presence.  
  
Warrick stood up and walked up to Catherine then asked in a whisper, "Why haven't you told him yet?"  
  
Catherine's smile faded. "I chickened out"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What if.."  
  
"He does Cath, he always has" Warrick interrupted her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(This time) this time  
  
I'm gonna make sure it turns out right  
  
I wanna be your everything and by your side  
  
For the rest of my life  
  
(This love)  
  
This love feels the way that love should be  
  
Look in my eyes and realise there's no disguise  
  
'Cos I'm in love with you  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Warrick looked at Nick and Sara who were looking at him and Catherine, he signaled for them to follow him. As soon as Nick and Sara got out Warrick followed and closed the door, but not before he whispered to Catherine "Say it now, it's now or never!"  
  
Catherine sighed then tried to give Grissom a smile.  
  
Oh God how am I going to say this? What if I ruin our friendship? But then if I don't tell him I'd never know. But if he does feel the same way why hasn't he said anything yet? But then again he does find it hard to voice out his feelings. I mean now that I think about it, it's like he has been sending me hints and has been trying to show me his love for me. But what if I just misinterpreted it?  
  
"Catherine!" Grissom waved his hands in front of Catherine's face who is lost in thought.  
  
"Oh! sorry!"  
  
"So are you going to tell me what this is about?"  
  
Catherine just kept silent for a minute then finally spoke, "I have a problem"  
  
Though Grissom didn't really like talking about personal stuff at work, this is Catherine.. when it's about Catherine he doesn't care and it never matters where they are or what kind of timing it is..it never matters... nothing matters... coz for him Catherine is all that matters.  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
Catherine sat down then sighed and said, "Well.. I think I finally found what I've been looking for"  
  
"And how did that became a problem?"  
  
"Let me finish! You see, I just realized that all this time I already have what I've been looking for. And now I'm scared, that... that... he doesn't feel the same way"  
  
"Why do you think that?"  
  
"Coz if he does he would have said it already!" she said as she sat down.  
  
'Is she feeling what I think she is?' he thought as a smile crept it's way through his face. He made his way near Catherine then sat beside her.  
  
"Catherine, exactly what is it that you have been looking for?"  
  
"Actually it's who."  
  
"Okay, who?"  
  
"The person I would love for the rest of my life and feels the same with me"  
  
There was a minute of silence. Then Catherine broke it, "Gil what about you, what are you looking for?"  
  
"I think I found it already"  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Well I'm not yet sure"  
  
"So what is it the you **looked** for?"  
  
"I didn't looked for it, it just came"  
  
"Okay" she starting to loose her patience with his answers, "Then what is it that you think you found?"  
  
"The exact thing that you **were** looking for"  
  
Is he saying what I think he is saying? Oh god! Okay, okay, wait... Catherine... Catherine, get a grip, inhale, exhale. Yea that's right try to breathe and don't get your hopes up!  
  
As Catherine tried to breathe she looked up and her eyes met his.  
  
"So, when did it came?" she asked  
  
"About 20 years ago. I met her, she became my friend...." he trailed off as he wiped the tears starting to stream from Catherine's eyes.  
  
"I love you"  
  
"I love you too" she said as he brushed his lips with hers. They started to kiss passionately and finally let go to take in some air.  
  
"I finally found it" said Catherine as she smiled at the person in front of her whose arms are wrapped around her.  
  
"Same here Catherine...same here" he said as he AGAIN closed the distance of their lips.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I finally found what I've been looking for  
  
And now you know I'm going to love you more  
  
Hold me tight 'cos it's always been you  
  
To think that you were always there (you were always there)  
  
To be my friend and wipe away my tears  
  
(Wipe away my tears)  
  
Now it's clear that it's always been you  
  
(It's always been you)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
= END = 


End file.
